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When Leadership Becomes Lonely.
I didn’t expect leadership to feel this lonely.
In the early days of BELAY, everything felt close. I knew every team member. I knew their families, their goals, the things that motivated them and the things that made them nervous. We built the company on relationship capital. Trust was personal. Conversations happened face-to-face. Decisions were made in proximity, with context and shared history.
As the business grew, something quietly changed.
New names appeared that I didn’t recognize. Decisions I made were questioned by people who had never sat in the room with me. Conversations that once happened over coffee now moved through layers of structure, process, and leadership tiers.
I knew we were growing. I was proud of that. But I was grieving something too.
Because growth brings scale.
And scale brings distance.
And distance means that some people will never really know you.
That realization caught me off guard more than I expected.
If you lead long enough, you will be misunderstood.
People will assume your motives without knowing the full story. They will question decisions without understanding the constraints you’re operating under. They will form opinions based on fragments of information, filtered through others, rather than lived experience.
And the larger your organization becomes, the more often this happens.
At a certain point, you simply won’t have the time or capacity to explain every decision. You won’t be able to sit with every person. You won’t get the opportunity to build relational trust with everyone before they decide how they feel about your leadership.
That can feel like failure, especially if you’re wired relationally.
If you value connection.
If you care deeply about people.
If being understood matters to you.
It’s painful to realize that leadership at scale often requires you to carry weight that others don’t see and won’t fully understand.
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Here’s the lesson I had to learn, and it wasn’t an easy one.
I’m not leading for proximity anymore.
I’m leading for alignment.
That shift changed everything.
Alignment doesn’t guarantee approval. It doesn’t promise popularity. It doesn’t ensure that everyone will like you, trust you, or even understand you.
But alignment does allow you to lead with integrity.
I stopped trying to manage perception and started anchoring myself in clarity. I focused less on being liked and more on being grounded. I accepted that I wouldn’t be trusted by everyone—and that trying to earn that trust would only pull me away from the work I was actually responsible for.
Instead, I chose to stay rooted. Rooted in my values. in clear decision-making, and in the small circle of people who truly know me and help carry the weight of leadership with me.
Because when the trust of the masses isn’t possible, the trust of your core team becomes essential.
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I still lead through relationships. That hasn’t changed. It’s who I am.
What has changed is how I steward that relational energy.
I’ve learned to stay closely connected to my executive team. I’ve invested deeply in mutual trust with my direct reports. I’ve chosen depth with a few people rather than chasing approval from many.
Leadership at scale isn’t personal. It’s structural.
And trying to make it personal with everyone will eventually leave you depleted.
You can lead with heart and still have boundaries, be relational without being universally understood, and trust yourself, even when others don’t.
That clarity brings peace.
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What it is: Your “Trusted 5” is an intentionally chosen group of people inside your organization who know you, challenge you, and help you lead with clarity.
Why it helps: As your influence grows, so does the noise. Opinions multiply. Feedback gets louder. The “Trusted 5” becomes your grounding force—your sounding board, your reality check, and your emotional anchor. They help you stay aligned when leadership feels heavy or isolating.
How to Do It:
Choose five people you deeply trust. These might be direct reports, senior leaders, or long-term advisors. Build a regular cadence with them, whether weekly or biweekly. Let them see the real you. Invite honest feedback. Allow them to push back when needed. Use their insight as a filter instead of reacting to the crowd.
If you’re building something meaningful and feeling disconnected along the way, you’re not doing it wrong.
You’re doing what very few people ever dare to do: leading through complexity with integrity.
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If you want more margin for the people, decisions, and clarity that matter most. . .
Download my FREE 40-Hour CEO Workweek Planning Guide. It’s designed to help you lead with intention, not isolation.
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"You won’t be trusted by everyone. But if you can trust yourself—and keep the right people close—you’ll lead with peace." - Tricia. |
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